


Other Duties as Assigned

by chasingkerouac



Series: Other Duties as Assigned [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Family is always there to embarrass you, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, No regards for timelines, Spider bros, Team Bonding, shopping is a fun time had by all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-17 23:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14841629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingkerouac/pseuds/chasingkerouac
Summary: Peter wasn’t sure how exactly he ended up playing errand boy for the Black Widow in a department store downtown while she bullied Captain America into a new wardrobe, but if that's where the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man was needed, he wasn't going to leave his SPIDER BRO hanging.





	Other Duties as Assigned

**Author's Note:**

> A story of simply fluff and amusement. Because slayediest wanted to see 'anyone taking Steve clothes shopping' and I happily obliged. Can also find on tumblr [HERE](http://ckerouac.tumblr.com/post/174550091980/fic-other-duties-as-assigned).

Peter wasn’t sure how exactly he ended up playing errand boy for the Black Widow in a department store downtown.  One minute he was working on a chemistry lab report with Ned, and then next he was getting a flurry of texts from Mr. Stark about an ‘intervention’ and ‘secret mission’ and ‘if it’s too much for you you can say no’.  Which, of course he wasn’t going to say no! He was an Avenger! Well, sort of… mostly… close enough. Technically.

And then there was a text from the Black Widow asking politely if he’d be willing to help out a fellow spider because there was someone in terrible need.  

HE WAS GOING TO BE SPIDER BROS WITH THE BLACK WIDOW.

Ned promised to keep the app open in his phone that they’d linked to KAREN just in case Peter needed his guy in the chair, because if it was something that _Natasha Romanoff_ was asking for help with, it had to be something serious. Life threatening.  Maybe there were more aliens. Or an accident at a chemical plant. Or a nuclear bomb.  Or a mass arrest of guys on Wall Street because it turns out they were linked to HYDRA and that’s why they were trying to bring down American democracy.  MJ talked about that lot, so that would totally be something that the Black Widow would be involved in. He wasn’t sure what he could do to help with that, but he could web up bad guys with the best of them and if they needed him, it didn’t matter what it was.  He was going to be there!

“I just think the blue looks better,” Natasha said, reaching over to pull the navy blue t-shirt from the pile on Peter’s lap to hand to Steve.  “It brings out the blue of your eyes.”

“Is that really a thing?” Steve asked, taking the shirt and looking for all intents and purposes like a defeated man as he stood in the doorway of the dressing room.  

Natasha gave him a light squeeze of the shoulder.  “I get that you’ve been out of the dating game for a while, but trust me.  It’s a thing.”

“I’m not trying to get back into the dating game,” Steve replied.  But he took the shirt, along with the pile of jeans Natasha had already handed him and retreated back into the dressing room.  

“You can’t blame me for trying!” she laughed.  “What about Melissa?”

“Which one is Melissa?”

“The one who coordinated the HVAC repair to the tower last month.”

"Natasha…” Steve said, his voice going for ‘warning’ or ‘not again’.  “You sound like Old Mrs. Goldstein who lived two floors down from me growing up.  She was convinced Bucky was going to die alone and unloved if he didn’t find a girl who was dumb enough to settle for him.”

“And what about you?” Natasha asked.

That got Steve to crack open the door and smile.  “She figured I’d die alone after getting punched by someone for talking back to them.”

“So, pretty much how you’re likely to die now,” Natasha pointed out.

“Pretty much,” Steve said, and closed the door once again.

“Excuse me,” Peter said.  “But… um… I thought you said that there was a big crisis that needed the Avengers?”

Natasha dropped down onto the bench next to Peter and smiled.  It wasn’t that it was unnerving when she smiled, Peter decided, it was just that you couldn’t tell at all what she was smiling about.  Like, was she smiling about Captain America in a dressing room? Or the pile of clothes in his lap? Was she smiling about how it was silly that Peter thought she wanted to be spider bros, even though he’d never actually used the spider bros line yet?  He was gonna wait until they were taking down the bad guys, and then slip is casually into conversation, and she was gonna laugh and think that it was brilliant, and then he’d name the text thread that they’d inevitably start SPIDER BROS and it would become a thing.  

It’s like whenever MJ decided to smile.  She only smiled when she thought he was doing something stupid.

Oh… shit… was the Black Widow smiling a ‘Peter you’re so dumb’ smile?

“What I said was there was someone who needed our help,” Natasha pointed out.

“And it was… Mr. Rogers?”

A bigger grin this time.  “I love it when you call him that,” she said.  “Look, I’ve been trying to get him to update his wardrobe.  He lives in khakis and SHIELD shirts, unless someone specifically pulls something different out for him.  I think if he had his way, he’d live in his uniform.”

“I mean, what’s wrong with that?”

Natasha leaned in a little closer.  “Do you have someone you like?”

Yes. “No.”

“Have you dressed up for them in the past?”

Yes. “No.”  Peter’s eyes went wide.  “Wait, does Mr. Rogers have a date?  Is that why we’re here? Are we getting him ready for a date?  Where would someone like him go on a date? Like, the Statue of Liberty?  Is that too cliche?”

She reached over and gave him a squeeze on the shoulder.  Peter tried hard not to look too excited. It was the same thing she did to Captain America!  They really were going to be spider bros! “It’s just a closet refresh,” she said. “Don’t think too hard about it.”

“But… if it’s not something… wait, why me?” Peter asked.  “Why did you and Mr. Stark ask me to come along?”

Natasha shrugged as Steve emerged.  “We told him you were struggling with a personal problem, and he jumped at the chance to help.”

“Wait, you used me as bait?!”

“And I fell for it,” Steve replied.  He placed his hands on his hips and glared at Natasha.  “Taking advantage of an old man is elder abuse.”

Before Peter realized what he was doing, he’d lifted his phone to take a picture of Cap’s stare of disappointment.  “Sorry, sorry,” he said. “It’s just that’s the exact look you have in the videos they show when we have detention, and I always thought that was some acting they made you do, but it’s…”

“It’s just his face,” Natasha beamed.  “But I’m immune to it. Plus, I don’t think that’ll be any way to get a response to profile I put up for you on SexySeniorDating.com.”

“What detention video?” Steve asked, ignoring Natasha’s jab because Peter was sure that she’d actually put up a dating profile for him behind his back.  Would she?

“You know, the ‘so you’ve found yourself in detention’ video,” Peter explained, doing his best Captain America expression, complete with sigh and pursed lips.  “There’s a whole bunch of them.”

Steve looked like he was going to deflate right there, and his frown was about as large as Natasha’s grin.  “I still can’t believe I let Tony talk me into those,” he mumbled. “Just like your USO tour,” he mimicked. “But enriching the minds of today’s youth.”

“You were recently thawed, your brain was probably still a little icy,” Natasha pointed.  

“No, wait, they’re great!” Peter insisted.  Insulting Captain America would probably completely squash his plans to be spider bros with the Black Widow cause even if she liked to make fun of him, no one else could make fun of Captain America.  I mean, he was CAPTAIN AMERICA. Why would anyone want to make fun of him? He was amazing, and he was here hanging out with Peter, even if it was technically because Peter was bait in a convoluted plot for the Black Widow to keep making fun of him…

Wait… ‘squash’... like a bug… he just got that!  He needed to remember to tell Ned that he’d come up with a great spider pun with his spider bro Natasha.

“I can pull one up for you!”

“Please don’t.” “I already have one as my voicemail message.”

Steve and Natasha turned to stare at each other.  Peter was pretty sure neither of them were telepathic, but he couldn’t actually be sure, but there was obviously something getting exchanged between them.  

Steve was the first to relent.  He sighed, shook his head, and grabbed another couple of shirts from Peter’s lap pile.  “Let’s get this over with,” he said, retreating back into the dressing room.

“Wait, I’m going to find you a jacket,” Natasha said.  

“I already have a jacket.”

“Not one you’ve gotten shot in, a nice blazer,” she called out as she left Peter to watch Steve and, as she’d explained when this whole outing started, ‘make sure he didn’t run away like a coward’.

“Is.. there anything I can get you, Mr. Rogers?” Peter asked.

A laugh came from behind the door.  “No, kid, I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry for being bait,” Peter continued.  “I thought there was, you know, a thing that needed attention and all hands on deck.  I didn’t know shopping was part of the… internship. Mr. Stark keeps it pretty… undefined.  You know, and I totally get why, and I’m not complaining about it at all. That’s not what I’m saying.  I’m happy to be here and do whatever I can to help. I just didn’t think it would be… shopping buddy.”

“I’m pretty sure this falls under other duties as assigned.  But if it makes you feel any better, people have tricked me into foolish job related duties since the 40s.”

OMG he and Captain America had something in common!  Maybe it wasn’t just him and the Black Widow that were going to be SPIDER BROS.  Maybe Captain America didn’t think he was just a kid from Queens and they were going to be bros too!  He didn’t seem to hold the airport stuff against him. Not too much. He only brought it up once. Maybe twice.  The Falcon brought it up a lot more. But if Captain America thought they were just like each other… oh man, if his seven-year-old self and his Captain America lunch box could see him now.  Wait, there could be a lunch box with both Captain America AND Spider-Man on it! With their arms around each other! Giving a thumbs up!

He had to text Ned.  He’d die seeing the same look on Cap’s face as the videos.    _just out w bw & cap bc we’re bff now _ he texted along with the picture, followed quickly by _disappointed!cap is disappointed_.

The response was immediate, like Peter knew it would be.

...but it wasn’t Ned.

_I thought you were at Ned’s studying??_

He’d accidentally texted Aunt May.

_sorry!! I meant to send that to Ned_

That was fine.  She knew about… all of it.  And it proved he wasn’t getting shot at or thrown off a building or any of the number of things she’d yelled at him that Mr. Start was irresponsible for letting happen to him once she found him in his suit.  And considering that that’s what he thought he’d be doing on this little outing, she should appreciate how little danger he was in compared to how much he could’ve been in if what he thought was going to happen actually had happened.  How could she object to a shopping trip… even if he had told her this morning he was spending the day with Ned working on their lab reports?

_Why is Captain America disappointed with you??  What did you do?? AM I GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED WITH YOU??_

_no it’s fine I didn’t do anything. I’m at my internship._

“Are you texting the girl?” Natasha asked, scaring the shit out of Peter because for some reason she was the only one who could sneak up behind him without his senses catching on.  “Is it the one who you dressed up for that you said you didn’t?”

“What? No!” Peter tried to look as casual as possible, but his phone started buzzing again.   _Wait, I recognize those dressing rooms.  I’m going to give Captain America a piece of my mind._

“Is something wrong?” Steve asked, cracking open the door to the dressing room and catching the blazer Natasha decided to throw at him.  “Do we need to-”

“My aunt is coming cause I accidentally texted her, and I thought I was texting Ned cause you made the face and I thought he’d find it funny, and May’s too worried that I’ve done something to make Captain America mad at me, and I think she’s coming to yell at you, so please don’t be angry with her, she doesn’t mean it, she just… I think she likes yelling at people.  Mostly Mr. Stark,” Peter explained. “But she doesn’t yell at him a lot! Only when he shows up. Or when I come home with a bloody nose. But those aren’t always Mr. Stark’s fault.”

“Just usually,” Steve said.  “Does she… know about...”

Peter nodded.  “Yeah, she knows.”

“Maybe this is a good thing,” Natasha said.  “We could use another opinion. Because those jeans are going to make Heather in Operations -- “

“No.”

“Or how about Tonya in -”

“Natasha.”

She just smiled that MJ smile again.  Peter was certain there was no way she was giving up, and surely Cap realized that.  He could say no all he wanted, but Peter would bet money she’d have him on a date by the end of the week.  

It took 15 minutes, but eventually the back and forth interrupted by, “Peter?”

The three of them turned at the new voice and Peter gave his Aunt May the most contrite, most apologetic, most ‘but at least I’m not dangling off of a building and the highlight of the 11pm news’ wave that he could muster.  “Hi Aunt May.”

“I think you wanted to yell at him,” Natasha added motioning to Steve, who at this point was standing there with a pile of clothes draped across his arm.  

“Yes,” May said, pausing to just stare at him for a moment.  Peter was sure this wasn’t going to end well. She wasn't impressed at all with Mr. Stark each time he showed up, and sure he was the only one of the Avengers to show up at their apartment, but if she wasn’t impressed by Iron Man, surely she wasn’t going to be any more impressed by Captain America, especially once she got it into her head that he was angry with him.  “You’re a lot taller in person.”

Steve smiled.  “Yeah, I get that.  Sorry, where are my manners.  I’m Steve,” he said, extending his free hand.

May shook his hand and smiled as well.  “May Parker. You know Peter through… his internship?”

Steve nodded.  “He’s a good kid.  Quick on his feet,” he added.

“Sticks with something until it’s finished?” May volleyed back.  

“Really swings for the wall,” Steve replied, amused.  He was interrupted by Natasha clearing her throat. “Oh, and this is Natasha.”

May let go of Steve’s hand a gave the Black Widow a wave.  “Yeah.  These are not the friends I thought Peter would be hanging out with in high school,” she added.  “Or the job I thought he’d have in high school. I mean, Jesus, I worked in a grocery store in high school.”

“Oh, really?  Me too!” Steve beamed.  “And, I don’t mean to brag, but I got pretty good at stacking apples into a pyramid.”

“And there would be some ass who thought it was funny to pull the piece of fruit from the bottom of the stack?” May laughed.

“And then I’d point it out and get knocked around a bit in the alley,” Steve admitted.  “They didn’t pay me enough to put up with that kind of jerk.”

“How much did they pay you?”

He grinned.  “A quarter.”

“Oh yeah, you totally deserved at least 30 cents,” May replied.

“Yeah, that’s what FDR said too,” he laughed.

“See, May, he’s not angry at me,” Peter interjected.  He didn’t want May to get laughed at any more by Captain America, and if he could just convince her that he was fine, and Captain America wasn’t angry with him any more, and it was just a joke, she wouldn’t have to hang out in the dressing room with them any more.  “His disappointed face was for something else.”

“What was his disappointed face for, then?” May asked.

“I got tricked into going shopping,” Steve admitted.  “Natasha thought I could use some help with some new clothes and told me that Peter needed my help.”  

“And you just wanted to help him?” May asked.

“He’s a good kid,” Steve said.  “Of course I wanted to help him if he needed it.”

“Yeah, I like him.”  May turned and smiled at Peter over her shoulder.  “I think I’ll keep him.”

“So… everything’s cool,” Peter said.  “You can head home.”

“Or you could help Steve decide between a couple of shirts that he was debating,” Natasha intejected. “We could use another woman’s opinion.  I like the blue, but Steve is partial to the white.”

“Sure,” May said.  “Always glad to help.  And blue is always a good color.  Especially with your eyes,” she added.

Okay, so not how Peter saw the afternoon going.  At this rate he’d never find the right time to suggest to Natasha that they be SPIDER BROS, especially not with May bothering Captain America…

***

“May?” Peter called out as he closed the apartment door and dropped his backpack on the couch.  “I’m home.”

“How was school?” she called out from her bedroom.

“It was fine,” Peter answered.  “Sorry I’m late, we had Decathlon practice and then I had to finish my lab report with Ned.”

“Not a problem, dinner is in the fridge.  Blue lid. The spaghetti from last night.”

“Are you going somewhere?  I thought you worked days this week?”

There was a knock at the door.  “Peter, can you get that?”

“Sure.”  He opened it to find Steve standing there, in one of the outfits Natasha had bullied him into buying last Saturday.  “Hi Mr. Rogers. Hey, wait, what are you doing here? Does… does Mr. Stark need me? Did he send you to come get me? Wait, what’s going on, I can… May!” he called out.  “I’m going out-”

“Hey, no, it’s not an internship thing,” Steve said, stepping inside the apartment and closing the door behind him.  “Not an Avengers thing.”

“Oh,” Peter said.  “Then what are you doing here?”

May popped her head out into the living room and smiled.  “Hey, you found it okay.”

“Yeah,” Steve replied.  “Sorry, I’m a little early.  Never spent much time in Queens.”

“Not a problem, I’m ready to go.”  

Peter realized that May looked a lot nicer than her normal Tuesday night sweatshirt and… “Wait, where are you going?”

“Steve and I are going to grab some dinner,” May said.  “Like I said, spaghetti is in the fridge. I’ll be back in a little while.”  She kissed his forehead as she walked past. “Make good choices.”

“Good to see you, Peter,” Steve said before focusing on May.  “You look really nice.” 

“Why thank you.”  She gave a quick little tug on the hemline of his t-shirt as he opened the door for her and led her out into the hall.  “Blue looks really good on you.”

It took Peter a full minute after the door closed before he was able to sputter out, “You… make good choices.”  Before he could question it any further, his phone buzzed.

_Thx for your help on Sat!  Mission accomplished - FINALLY got old man out on a date_

No shit, Peter thought, as he changed the name of the text thread from ‘Natasha’ to ‘SPIDER BROS’.  She could just deal with it.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://ckerouac.tumblr.com/) :D


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